I can think of some terrible things a mother could do, but let me make one think very clear, working is NOT one of them. When working is what provides a life, let alone survival, for your children then it should not be viewed (or talked about) as less than that of a mother that chooses and/or has the financial ability to stay at home with her babies. Let’s agree that being a mom is not an easy job and there are no written instructions on the ‘right’ way to mother- especially when the title is Single Mom.
I have mommy friends from all walks of life: some that stay at home (which is a full time job in and of itself!), some that work from home, some that work part time and some that work full time, some have a nanny, some have a husband, some are single and some don’t even have full custody of their kids. We are all moms- no matter how you view the mommy-scale. Some are in executive roles, some are owners of their own company, some are teachers, some are bartenders and some work multiple jobs.
Thanks to the news, social media and world we live in today, I hear all the time of mothers that do some pretty terrible things… but I have to say, working and having a career life is NOT one of them. I am pretty down to earth in expectations and needs, carefully thinking of my kids in everything I do. I arch my own eye brows, color my own hair, paint my own nails and work out at home to save money. I don’t carry a designer handbag or have expensive jewelry. (most comes from dollar stores or discount places)
My kids have witnessed firsthand what working hard means and achieving goals takes some time, discipline and most of prioritizing. They are stronger and I am confident they will go further in life because of it!
Sometimes the lessons we want to teach our kids are taught more by the reactions to life experiences than we can tell them. Teaching them how to make choices through adversity is a far greater ‘life skill’ than one can speak of.
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I was recently blessed with the opportunity of a lifetime to take a career step in the Bio-Chemistry/Biotechnology world. After 8 years of raising my kids single-handedly and being super involved with everything to promote and grow-them-up the BEST I possibly could, keeping my eye on a time of less struggles and more financial peace for all four of us, I accepted a job that requires some travel, ok well quite a bit of travel to start.
If there is anything this determined, independent mom has trouble doing, it’s asking for help… from anyone. I have had to learn how to put my pride aside from time to time and ASK a favor here and there of the MANY wonderful friends I have in my circle that always offer. I have also had to learn especially though this opportunity to say no to all of the little ‘proving-points’ I sometimes take on, like volunteering for everything, leadership roles, PTA, side businesses, and many moments with my friends and their kids. Well I still choose to coach a little league team and be a cheer squad mom from time to time… but I am learning to pick and choose- based on what is best for my kids. I make every decision based on what I think, pray, and weigh the pros and cons as the best for me +3.
Probably one of the hardest things for any driven parent is the need to be financially stable and mentally, emotionally and physically present for your family- especially when it is a single parent household. It’s one of the hardest concepts I had to accept- no matter how hard I work at a job, how many hours I put in while kids sleep to make up for anything I lacked during the day, it wasn’t going to matter until my kids were older… I was the one that got called when a kid was sick or hurt, or forgot their homework, shoes, lunch, PE uniform… etc.
I have sacrificed every career, job and business venture that I have ever built, dreamt, taken on to be there for my kids first, hopeful of another ‘big break’/opportunity down the road when they were older and I wouldn't have it any other way. Priorities are created internally by what we place value on and shown through our actions and commitments.
Of course I wish I could be at home with them full time and carry less of the financial responsibility that is required being a single parent, but for now, I will just do the best with what I have, never underestimating the importance and power a mother has on her children’s lives.
“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you”
Sometimes, you just have to ride the waves.
