Terrible Moms Go To Work

I can think of some terrible things a mother could do, but let me make one think very clear, working is NOT one of them. When working is what provides a life, let alone survival, for your children then it should not be viewed (or talked about) as less than that of a mother that chooses and/or has the financial ability to stay at home with her babies. Let’s agree that being a mom is not an easy job and there are no written instructions on the ‘right’ way to mother- especially when the title is Single Mom.

I have mommy friends from all walks of life: some that stay at home (which is a full time job in and of itself!), some that work from home, some that work part time and some that work full time, some have a nanny, some have a husband, some are single and some don’t even have full custody of their kids. We are all moms- no matter how you view the mommy-scale. Some are in executive roles, some are owners of their own company, some are teachers, some are bartenders and some work multiple jobs.

Thanks to the news, social media and world we live in today, I hear all the time of mothers that do some pretty terrible things… but I have to say, working and having a career life is NOT one of them. I am pretty down to earth in expectations and needs, carefully thinking of my kids in everything I do. I arch my own eye brows, color my own hair, paint my own nails and work out at home to save money. I don’t carry a designer handbag or have expensive jewelry. (most comes from dollar stores or discount places)

My kids have witnessed firsthand what working hard means and achieving goals takes some time, discipline and most of prioritizing. They are stronger and I am confident they will go further in life because of it! 

Sometimes the lessons we want to teach our kids are taught more by the reactions to life experiences than we can tell them. Teaching them how to make choices through adversity is a far greater ‘life skill’ than one can speak of. 

I was recently blessed with the opportunity of a lifetime to take a career step in the Bio-Chemistry/Biotechnology world. After 8 years of raising my kids single-handedly and being super involved with everything to promote and grow-them-up the BEST I possibly could, keeping my eye on a time of less struggles and more financial peace for all four of us, I accepted a job that requires some travel, ok well quite a bit of travel to start.

If there is anything this determined, independent mom has trouble doing, it’s asking for help… from anyone. I have had to learn how to put my pride aside from time to time and ASK a favor here and there of the MANY wonderful friends I have in my circle that always offer. I have also had to learn especially though this opportunity to say no to all of the little ‘proving-points’ I sometimes take on, like volunteering for everything, leadership roles, PTA, side businesses, and many moments with my friends and their kids. Well I still choose to coach a little league team and be a cheer squad mom from time to time… but I am learning to pick and choose- based on what is best for my kids. I make every decision based on what I think, pray, and weigh the pros and cons as the best for me +3.

Probably one of the hardest things for any driven parent is the need to be financially stable and mentally, emotionally and physically present for your family- especially when it is a single parent household. It’s one of the hardest concepts I had to accept- no matter how hard I work at a job, how many hours I put in while kids sleep to make up for anything I lacked during the day, it wasn’t going to matter until my kids were older… I was the one that got called when a kid was sick or hurt, or forgot their homework, shoes, lunch, PE uniform… etc.

 I have sacrificed every career, job and business venture that I have ever built, dreamt, taken on to be there for my kids first, hopeful of another ‘big break’/opportunity down the road when they were older and I wouldn't have it any other way. Priorities are created internally by what we place value on and shown through our actions and commitments.

Of course I wish I could be at home with them full time and carry less of the financial responsibility that is required being a single parent, but for now, I will just  do the best with what I have, never underestimating the importance and power a mother has on her children’s lives.

 “An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you”

Sometimes, you just have to ride the waves.

New Year- New You... With a New Planner- FREE Printable for you! ***now with TWO versions***

Starting a New Year always excites me! I have to admit I am like an little kid in a candy store when it comes to planning and setting up a fresh start! (I even suffer from 'New Year Insomnia' and create these crazy planner pages, ha!) I took some time this past year to design a daily planner page to help in productivity, goal setting and execution to see some of my lofty plans actually happen. I am sharing a FREE DOWNLOAD ***now with TWO versions*** of this Planner Page for you to try as well. I would love your feedback as you use it! There are multiple areas to help in your 2014 success: 

• Agenda Section- allows you to plan each day in 30 min increments beginning at 5am and ending at 10pm
• Menu Plan- map out all three meals and assign a child to help in planning, preparing, cooking and possibly even clean up for the day. This is a great bonding time as well as helping your children learn the basics of cooking and all that goes into planning it too!
• Main Focus- assign a general task to each day
• Example: 
• Monday:  Bathrooms
• Tuesday:  Bedrooms (or pick another area)
• Wednesday:  Shopping/Errands
• Thursday:  Kitchen
• Friday:  Living Areas
• Saturday:  Planning/Goal-Setting for the next week
• Sunday:  Sorting + filing any paperwork, bills, etc. 
• Must Do Today- an easy checklist to jot all 'to-do' items down. Take this one step further and assign an action step with it. (even if you only have 10 min somewhere along the day you can easily find a task to check off) Use the short line next to each task to assign the action step: 
• G= Go- An errand to run outside/away the home
• D= Do- An errand to do inside/at home
• B= Buy- An item that has to be purchased 
• C= Contact- An email to send or a call to be made
• Self-Care- workout, planning and quiet time are as important as getting your daily recommended water. Practicing good self-care is important to optimizing your productivity and overall success. Just check each off as you go throughout the day as a reminder that YOU are important and must take steps to live a healthy lifestyle!
• Notes- open area for brainstorming, blog ideas, reflection, verses, thoughts or anything your little heart desires :-)

Here's to the best YOU in 2014! 

Daily Planner- General by Vickie Desemone Minnella

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE DOWNLOAD and start 2014 off with a bang... an organized bang! Print as many as you would like. I printed enough for 6 months and took it to my local office store and had them spiral-bound to carry with me and use everyday.

Daily Planner- General 2.0 by Vickie Desemone Minnella

You may also need some help with goal planning or menu planning/grocery shopping- Check out my other FREE RESOURCES to help you get organized and create a Rockstar Life!

***If have trouble printing you may access a copy here***
Planner Page 1.0
Planner Page 2.0

Helping Children Cope When A Tragedy Occurs

Watching any kind of tragedy unfold is hard on adults, but take a moment and consider a child's perspective. Adults know there is evil in the world and bad things do happen to good people, but a child's views are being shaped every day from playtime to the harsh reality of the world we live in.

My 8 year old daughter got into the car after school today and said
"Mommy we talked about the bombing today in school and they said an 8 year old boy died while waiting for his dad run. That is scary- I am 8 and you are a runner!"

She connected the dots of this horrific Boston Marathon Tragedy with the innocent age of someone her own age. She also brought up the shooting in CT and the talk we had about that tragedy just a few months ago. All three of my children had their views on these incidents, but as I listen to them share their perspectives and fears I am reminded as a parent that I can shape their outlook and attempt to calm their fears. There are a few simple things we can do to help the many questions and fears that develop in our little people, as well as our teenagers that seem to know it all:

• Assure them they are loved and comfort them. Do not brush off their feelings but rather allow them to express their thoughts in a secure place with the circle of love to absorb emotions attributed to the natural feelings they are experiencing.
• Control your own reaction to the situation. It is easy for us to tell them to do something a certain way, but it is more important that our reactions as parents/adults reflect the advice we give. Be careful not to jump to conclusions or offer initial motives for a cause of the tragedy. Also be careful not to judge or stereotype a certain type of person/people verbally. (They really do hear everything we say, and pick up on so much that we do not say) Model calm behavior but do not underestimate the affect evil has on innocent lives.
• Limit their exposure to pictures and news coverage based on age. We live in a day and age where pictures from a crime scene and tragedy spread at a viral rate through social media like never before, but monitor closely what is being viewed by little eyes. Just because a picture is released through Twitter, Facebook or other news source does NOT mean an 8 year old needs to see the graphic details. It is our job as parents to carefully expose our children to the realities of the world, but not all has to be done before the appropriate age.I am big on keeping it real with my own kids, but there are healthy boundaries of exposure too.
• Have them focus on the brave help of the emergency responders. When my kids do come across a picture or news coverage of an event that is less than favorable, I have them search out the emergency workers: Fireman, Police Officers, Military, etc. This offers a fresh approach to see the good in people and those willing to help at all costs. It also takes some of the negative weight off the crime scene/tragedy that is typically reported by new media. This is not to take away from the awful events but just adjusting perspective in the eyes of a child.
• Lead them to pray for the victims and their families. Offering up fears and sadness through prayer is a powerful way to release anxiety, especially when taught to do so at a young age. This has been my 'go to' way of helping my children in times like these. We always pray for the people affected and open our hearts to ways to help. If you listen closely to them, you may be surprised at their ideas on helping others. It definitely keeps me in check every time. 

I love the innocence of  children all ages possess and try to foster their sweet, kind hearts as much as possible, even though tragedy and evil occurrences. After all- isn't about the generation we are raising and what we CAN DO to create a different place to live in?

The Day After

Here it is, finally... December 26th! I think I have been praying for this day more than most pray for December 25th. Before you gasp and say something you may rethink, let me start by saying, yes I am grateful for the many blessings I have: my kids, my friends, my family that I really don't get to see, my faith, and of course Jesus' birthday. This is a raw account for my little 'blogging space' and not one I usually allow myself to open up for, but the stress I have felt this year has been daunting. Not much has played out the way it was 'suppose to be' at all. The picture of Christmas was suppose to look very different than the reality, especially for as hard as I've tried to work.

Christmas is a wonderful time to spend with family and friends and reflect on memories and make new ones, to celebrate with traditions and spread some cheer with a special person/family by your side. Well as great as that sounds and as much as I pray for that to be the case again someday, this year was very different... and the last few have been quite rough too. I always knew after my grandmas both passed away things would be different, but had no idea it looked this different! I didn't even have a family gathering to put on the calendar this year!

The mere struggle of robbing Peter to pay Paul only works until you throw something like Christmas in the mix. And heaven forbid a mom wake up extremely sick just 3 days before. (after taking care of a sick, sick kid with the flu for the several days before) Oh and did I mention none of the gifts purchased yet?? Because I was still trying to figure out which bill I could afford to be late on without fear of disconnection. And also when I could be kid-free to cram that shopping in without the very recipients tagging along with me between the two jobs I'm working and very little help from the other parental unit in just taking the kids. So knowing I was scheduled for a paycheck on the 21st I waited to shop on the 22nd when I was off work and kid free. I did NOT plan on waking up sick on the 22nd and to my not-so-surprise, I still had the kids. Is there really a 'kid-free' time to plan on, I think not.

Yes, I have scaled back on the gifts my children receive, but whoever thought up this whole Santa thing needs to be... well, we will leave that alone for now (probably a whole other blog topic, ha!) I have an 8yr old that I could not disappoint with the whole magical lie parents get to play without being hypocritical. So of course I have to milk that opportunity, right?! I not only have to play Santa to her, but also to the 12 and 13yr old because Santa wouldn't dare just come for one and not the others. Now I am having a breakthrough thought as I type this: Gee this is why the older two are so quick to help me keep the Santa thing alive in the house. Duh, they get more presents too... sheesh! 

 Well after running around sick for a day and a half I was graciously sent some 'helper elves' to help wrap the presents that were suppose to be ready for 'delivery' within just a few short hours. Yes it was December 24th, at 8pm, and nothing was wrapped, but hey, at least it was purchased now. So the wrapping party began after I loaded all the gifts up in my car, drove them over to my cousin's, unloaded them, and enlisted her and her two kids  to help me wrap everything, just like they did last year. 

Christmas day held no major plans, well, no plans at all actually. I remember a day of trying to juggle about 5 different stops on Christmas day... and now not one place. So I thought, "It's time for me to take things in my own hands. It's tradition setting time." After all, my kids and I did just collect over 100 coats for the homeless in less than a week. So of course I can create a new Christmas! 

I let the kids just lounge around through the day and play with their gifts while I attempted to set up iTunes accounts and iPods that almost found a free trip through the window! eeek! I ran out for more cold meds/cough meds  and back to make dinner. Nothing fancy by any means, just some spaghetti with marinara sauce and edemame. Of course we had some Christmas cookies too. Then off to drive around for a first annual Christmas Lights Scavenger Hunt! We looked for a big blow up Santa and snowman, light up candy canes, a wreath, a nativity scene, a house with music and light show, an all white light house, an all blue light house and tree out of lights. We successfully finished and before I could announce stopping for hot chocolate, the kids were done... one had to pee, one had already checked out and had ear buds in and the other was trying to show enthusiasm, bless her heart, but the kids were toast. They actually really enjoyed just staying at home and exploring their new Santa-given treasures. So I turned on a movie and relaxed the night away, nursing the sickness that was still kicking my butt, drinking hot cocoa on the couch with my daughters and thanking God that Christmas was almost over! 
~until next year, Merry 'day-after' Christmas!